What could of or maybe should of been?

Taking the Hard Way Out.

Why do I always take the hard way out of things? My father always said that I was hard headed and was going to do things my way no matter who warned me of what. Well sad to say he is right. This is me and I hate it.

Let me tell you about my situation.

May 2007 I had a pretty tough decision to make. I had two guys that was interested in me at once. One Bryan well he was married at the time and obviously did not love his wife. He would confine in me things and since I had been in a marriage before where I was unhappy I would try to give him advice and help him. I did find him very attractive and his cocky personality just kinda sweep me off my feet (I know that sounds really stupid but it did). Anyway then there was Jeremy some one I had seen before and let me down for another girl. I did like him very much and he defiantly had the quality’s I looked for in a companion. Jeremy didn’t decide to show interest in me until he saw bryan and me getting kinda close. Bryan started telling me how he was falling in love with me and wanted to be with me. Well one day I get a phone call from Bryan saying it happened him and his wife had separated (she moved out on him) and he wanted us to go out. I had just went to jeremys house the night before and had a pretty good time even though I did think about Bryan most of the time I was there. Jeremy told me how he had such strong feelings for me and that the time before he just got scared because I was know for breaking a few hearts. I didn’t know what to think, here is this guy that I was head over hills for a few months earlier and he just stared ignoring me like it was nothing and now he wants me to give him a second chance.

A couple nights later they both wanted to do something with me. Well I decided to go with Bryan after all most of the time I was with Jeremy I thought about him. When he pulled into the parking lot and got out of his truck right then I knew I had made the right decision cause he looked so damn fine. We had a really great time. Everything was going so good for a couple of days until……………………..his wife finds out keep in mine she did move out on him. Well she decided she wanted to work things out and he didn’t want to. So all of the sudden there separation was because of me. She made everything out to be all about me. This women is the most vindictive that I have ever seen. All of the sudden I had people coming at me from all over the place. His family was pissed at me because I was the reason for his break up his wife was after me cause I stole her husband. He also had a 3 yr old daughter that I was warned to never come around. I had a 1yr old daughter that I apparently only wanted bryan cause I wanted someone to support myself and my child. Which was the biggest pile of bull yet considering I had supported myself many of time before and had a very good paying job. When all this started going on I started thinking maybe I should rethink things a little. Jeremy was still there and I still had a chance to say no to bryan olson and yes to Jeremy rhoden. I was living in GA at this time but home for me was NC. I did want to return no NC a lot of time when things get hard for me I run just like when I left NC things stated getting a little crazy so I get as far away as possible. I called my parents and they said they would help me if I wanted to move back to NC. I was starting to care about Bryan but I just didn’t know if all that bull I was going through to be with him was worth it. Bryan told me if I moved he would follow me. I didn’t really believe him but I guess anything was possible. I told myself if he followed me I would give everything I had to make it work.
Well I moved and about 3 weeks later Bryan kept his promise and moved too. I though things would not be so bad with his family and x with us living so far away from them but boy was I wrong. His wife did everything in her power to make our lives miserable at first I didn’t really care. She kept his daughter from him as much as possible. Sent me nasty messages and of coarse I would send nasty ones back. Well I deleted mine and she saved hers. She told everyone in his family and friends that if they had anything to do with me they could count her out of their lives. I also was banned from meeting Bryans daughter until their divorce was final. Bryans mother and sisters gave into her threats and didn’t have anything to do with me or even worse their own flesh and blood (Bryan). I could never understand how Johanna (that’s Bryans mother) would do this to her own son. I mean yes don’t agree with everything he does but don’t shut him out when he too was going through one of the hardest times of his life. Bryans other family members did accept me and was very nice to me. I found a friend in his aunt Erica me and her are close to the same age and she knew Crystil (that’s Bryans x bitch) was what she was. Crystil also made it where Bryan had to visit his daughter supervised my his mother. I still to this day don’t understand why he had supervised visitation he didn’t have a history of abuse he didn’t do drugs and he didn’t even drink. It also stated in the papers that I was not allowed around the daughter until his divorce was final. Well in SC it takes 1 year for a divorce to be final it took Bryans 1 yr and like 4 months. I went through a lot to be with him. Oh he even cheated on me and you will never guess with who. His x according to him she was trying everything in her power to get back with him and made him believe that I was going to cheat on him and leave him so he slept with her. He said it only happened once and she said it happened over and over and over and over. I didn’t really know who to believe and to this day I still don’t know what I believe. This did happen early on in his separation. Oh and I was pregnant. Bryan and me got pregnant early on in our relationship. I proberly would of left him after he cheated but because I was pregnant I didn’t. The bitch finally said she moved on but I never believed her and still don’t believe her. If you move on you still don’t try to be a bitch. To me she is a very bitter person that has a lot of anger and pretends to be someone she is not. Let me just tell you a little about this chick from what I know. Ok she is 24 most of her friends are 18 and younger (sad I know). She thinks that getting tattoos and piercing makes her cool. She begs people for comments on her myspace (sad) she calls herself heartless and says that I am scared of her after the number of times that I have approached her with anything I had to say to her. I have heard she is the weakest person anyone know. I am a tough chick that is something people know about me. Don’t say I am scared of you because when you least expect it I might be right there to prove you wrong. Anyway anyone that knows me at all knows I am not scared of this bitch. She continues to be a bitch to us anyway she possibly can. Unless it is something to benefit herself. Bryan utterly hates her I think he throws up a little in his mouth when he sees her or has to talk to her. I could go on for hours and name all the shit she has done or tried to do to us. She got her mother to get a myspace and post things directed to me. I mean come on this women is like 60 something and she is on myspace posting things directed toward me. Give me a break. Talking about growing up I think she needs to grow up more then anyone. Anyway back to the bitch. Everytime Bryan is in town she tries her hardest to be where ever he is. Ok you say you are over him but you try to show up wherever he is at. Lame, I guess because since they were together she has changed her image she nows dress and acts like a slut and maybe she thinks he will see whats he is missing? Maybe I really don’t know. Anyway enough about the bitch.
So my relationship with bryan has been tough and sometimes Is everything I went through and am still going though worth it? Sad but I really don’t know if it is.
I do go around his daughter now and his mom and sisters. His daughter Riley loves me. She is a sweet little girl but yes she gets on my nervous. His mother I don’t trust and never will. She acts nice to me but its kinda one of those things where you wonder how she acts around your back especially to the bitch. His sister heather is a sweet heart I have to say she has really tried to get to know me. His other sister Jessy I don’t like. I nor bryan trust her. She is like best friends with the bitch. why would you want to be best friends with someone that hates your brother? Anyway I tolerate her but bryan and me both don’t trust nor like her.

Now the whole reason I wrote this I bet some of you are still thinking what happened to Jeremy? Well I hadn’t really thought about Jeremy in a long time until yesterday. My internet and cable was messed up and the cable guy had to come fix it. It kinda knocked me off my feet a little he was just like Jeremy looked like him talked like him and even acted like him. It made me start thinking what would life of been like if I would of chose Jeremy. Would me and him still be together perhaps we would be married and have a child together or perhaps he would of done the same thing he did to me the first time? I don’t know but I do wonder. I hate wondering. I googled him today and saw that he did marry and has a baby himself. Kinda hurt a little he did have everything going for himself. Money, nice vehicle, nice home on the lake and no x bitch drama. What does bryan have going for himself well lets see he pays 1000 a month in child support to that bitch. He is very obsessive and non trusting which isn’t he the one who cheated on me? Anyway the point of this is we make the choices we make for a reason and we have to live with them no need in thinking what might of could of or even should have been. I do love Bryan and we have been through a lot of hell and I have no doubt that we will make it to the end. As for Jeremy I am glad he is happy maybe the girl her married was his destiny and not me. I have to think of things this way because this is the choice I MADE and like my dad said I do take the hard way out but I have to live with it and be happy.